It’s Still Your Birthday, Even if You’re Gone

A post from last year on this date- posting it again in memory of my brother.

Today is my brother’s birthday. Or it would have been his birthday were he still alive, though I feel that just because he is gone does not make August 6th no longer his birthday. His age will forever remain at 54, but the date will forever be his birth date. He died by his own hand in February of 2015. I wrote about him on the first anniversary of his death here.He wasn’t married, had no children, and struggled so the last years of his life. Today I choose to remember him before all that, to think of him long ago before the demons set in. To remember him with rose colored glasses on, filtering out the sadness and anger. Remembering him with a smile.82802100-SLD-001-0015

82802100-SLD-001-00162

cousins1986redo

It’s Still Your Birthday, Even if You’re Gone

Today is my brother’s birthday. Or it would have been his birthday were he still alive, though I feel that just because he is gone does not make August 6th no longer his birthday. His age will forever remain at 54, but the date will forever be his birth date. He died by his own hand in February of 2015. I wrote about him on the first anniversary of his death here.He wasn’t married, had no children, and struggled so the last years of his life. Today I choose to remember him before all that, to think of him long ago before the demons set in. To remember him with rose colored glasses on, filtering out the sadness and anger. Remembering him with a smile.82802100-SLD-001-0015

82802100-SLD-001-00162

cousins1986redo

Birthdays No More

Birthdays of friends and family members seem to be indelibly marked within my brain. The birthdays of childhood friends who I haven’t seen in 40 years-when the date of their birthday arrives, I can’t help but think to myself, it’s so and so’s birthday. This can be a double edged sword, as today, April 24th, is. It is the birthday of a friend who died 19 months ago. He would have been 58 today. I had known him since I was 16, so it is doubtful the date will ever be erased from my memory. It is likely that each year when April 24th arrives I will say to myself that he would have been ___ years old. It is a reminder of what he is missing, has missed in these last 19 months. His daughter making the Deans List in College, his son thinking about college, his mother leaving her home for assisted living. Then there are the things that make up the days, the weeks, the months- that we hardly notice around us, but make me realize when I think of him not being here-  he is missing them all. The wonderful blueness of the sky in spring, the beauty of the sun rising, the feel of  the wind blowing. I must cease to count his years, but will forever remember what they would have been come April 24th.