A Day In The Life

People, Places, Nature, LIFE!

03/24/2014
DailyMusings

15 comments

The Art Of Conversation

reuniongroupnopose

I grew up in a house of talkers. We would sit down to the table on holidays and the din could be deafening. Multiple conversations taking place at the same time, people finishing other people’s sentences, massive outbreaks of loud laughter. It was an art to be able to keep track of a conversation that had so many digressions it seemed impossible to ever get back to where it had originally begun. We were masters at this though, and always did find our way back to where we started.

Last week I had a meal with a group of people, all adults, no kids busy with smart phones, who literally sat and said nothing. Three of them talked a bit amongst themselves, making no effort to include anyone in whatever it was they were talking about. I threw out a topic, something we all had in common that I thought might elicit conversation, but after a one line response, once again we sat silently. I ended up leaving the table and having a half  hour conversation with an 11 year old who loves dogs, as I do, who was so excited to have someone to share that with.

It made me think about how making conversation may in part be learned behavior. My friend’s husband grew up eating dinner in front of the TV with his family and never talking. That behavior followed him into adulthood until he married my friend. There was not going to be any eating in silence in front of the TV with her. He actually had to “learn” how to sit and share how his day was, what was on his mind, whatever. He grew to like it, and it has become the norm for him now.

In order to engage in conversation a person needs to be able to share thoughts, ideas, and some of who they are. It also means putting  forth an effort. All of us have been to those obligatory parties or gatherings that we really had no interest in attending, but once there, not to make an effort to talk with the other people in attendance, is just not acceptable. That is part of what troubled me as a sat that day wondering about the silence, thinking, “Are they so bored they just don’t want to make an effort? Do they really just have nothing to say, no ideas about anything?” When they did speak there really was no “back and forth” or sharing, it was perfunctory, clipped statements, that took little thought. What a shame. Engaging in conversation is something that allows us to open our minds, to exchange ideas and learn new things from that exchange.

03/23/2014
DailyMusings

5 comments

To Sleep, Perchance To Dream- The Daily Prompt

cartoon-sleep

The Daily Prompt asks: What kind of sleeper are you? Do you drop off like a stone and awaken refreshed, or do you need pitch black and silence to drift off to dream?

Sleep is elusive these days. I believe it has a lot to do with age. I remember years ago a friend who was in her 60’s telling me, “what woman sleeps after the age of 50? None!” I found that hard to believe, but as that age crept up and passed, I found she had been right. Oh to hit the pillow and sleep straight through the night. Now I see when the clock says 1:15. I awaken again to see those glaring red numbers read 2:30. There is the occasional night when I turn to face the clock and see 4:30 and think, “oh I almost made it through!” I read somewhere if you wake up in the middle of the night, do not look at the clock. Looking at the time wreaks some havoc in your brain that will not allow you to go back to sleep. I tried it, but found it made no difference. I read that if you can really not fall back to sleep you should get up. Drink something warm, try reading. Under no circumstances go to your computer. Right. If I am having a hot cocoa at 3 in the morning in my kitchen, there is no way I am not going to log onto WordPress and catch up on unread posts. So instead I stay in bed, and try deep breathing techniques, and try not to let my mind run wild with thoughts of all I need to do tomorrow that I will be too tired to do because I am laying awake at 3 in the morning and not getting enough sleep. And then I see the faint glow of the sunrise and realize I must have fallen back to sleep as now the clock reads 5:30 and I can get up and start my day.

03/20/2014
DailyMusings

7 comments

International Happiness Day

March 20th has been designated The International Day of Happiness.

It was established by the United Nations General Assembly on June 28, 2012. Based on the thought that the pursuit of happiness is a fundamental human goal.

I saw the following video this morning which made me think of those struggling in the world, who may have little happiness in their lives, for who happiness is a thing of their past. The many forgotten homeless who are living amongst us, but very often are invisible to us. The man in the video is usually a prankster, recording videos of jokes and pranks he plays on his friends. The following is no joke. He shared some kindness in the form of a meal, and brought some happiness into these people’s lives.

03/19/2014
DailyMusings

21 comments

Daily Prompt-Happy Traveler-Not So Much

The Daily Prompt today asks: What’s your travel style? Are you itinerary and schedule driven, needing to have every step mapped out in advance or are you content to arrive without a plan and let happenstance be your guide?

travel

When I saw this prompt I had to laugh out loud…. as traveling is not one of my favorite things to do. Actually, I went away for the first time in 11 years last May.

When I was in my 20’s,I traveled every summer with my best friend. I would start planning in March. In those days there was no internet, so I would send away for travel guides, maps, and brochures. I planned out everything, day by day, where we would go, how we were getting from place to place- either flying, train, driving, and make all the reservations. I am definitely a person who likes to plan ahead, know what,where and when. I am not a “show up” kind of person. These were some great and memorable vacations. We went to Canada, flying in to Toronto and taking the train to Montreal and then Quebec, with a short stop in Stratford, Ontario for the Shakespeare Festival.

Montreal

Montreal

We went to Pennsylvania’s Amish Country- and stayed on a working Dairy Farm Bed & Breakfast, and saw the birth of a calf.

Amish Country Farm

Amish Country Farm

We went to Cape May NJ and toured the turn of the century historic homes there.

Cape May, NJ

Cape May, NJ

I also traveled one summer to Europe with my sister. She made all the arrangements this time, and we Eurail Passed our way through France and Italy. Once again we knew ahead of time where we were going. My sister is even more organized than me, and never “flies by the seat of her pants.” We were on a meager budget and stayed in hostels- arriving at one which turned out to be just too seedy, but fortunately we were able to find another at the last minute. Close call for us, the mighty plan aheaders. (Though with a shared bath. Not something I would do today!)

Back then flying was not what it has become since 9/11, you showed up and got on the plane and that was it. I needed to fly four times in 2002, and one flight was worse than the next. Terrible turbulence, in addition to the hassle of waiting in lines for security, which did not sync well with my nerves. Add to that our two dogs who we needed to kennel each time we went away, I was done with travel.

Until this past May, that is. Our beloved dogs no longer with us, the Thursday before Memorial Day Weekend, my husband said, “maybe we should go away.” So I jumped on the internet, figuring there was no way anything would be available, but found a Bed & Breakfast an hour away at the beach that had one room left. And off we went for our weekend at the shore. Not much planning, not far away, but we felt like we had gone away for weeks. Beautiful ocean, a short drive, and lovely accomodations. Now that’s my kind of travel.

03/18/2014
DailyMusings

36 comments

Daily Prompt: Love Story

The Daily Prompt asks:

 Think of your longest relationship: describe how your love has changed over time, did you go from the giddiness of infatuation, to mad passion, to deep respect, esteem, and friendship? Tell us about your love story.

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The first time I met him, let’s just say I was hoping I wouldn’t have to have much contact with him in the future. I had come for an interview for a job with a company that was part of two larger businesses. The interview with the man I would work for went well, as did my meeting with the two other bosses of those businesses. Then they brought in the Comptroller to meet me, and he questioned me relentlessly. So many picayune questions, on and on he went.They finally told him “Enough! hire her, she’s perfect,” and that was that. Who was this guy who was so “exacting”- so into details, such a pain? Well that man would end up being the love of my life.

He was “so not my type.” He seemed very inflexible, very on the straight and narrow, fit the description of an accountant to a tee if you know what I mean. We worked together for a few years but didn’t have much interaction unless there was an issue with my paycheck. I left the company a few years later.

Fast forward eight years. He divorced and moved into the apartment complex I was living in. I invited him for dinner as he didn’t know anyone and I thought it would be a friendly thing to do. I found that he really wasn’t that “straight & narrow” guy, he was interesting and full of life under that facade he seemed to be presenting to the world. He was spontaneous and constantly seeking out new experiences and learning opportunities. He had the best smile and the greatest laugh. His cup was always half full. We talked endlessly about everything. We became friends, which slowly evolved into knowing we wanted to be together forever.

Does love change as the years go on? Now 23 years later when I find myself in a crowd of people, looking at him through the objective eyes of an observer, I can’t help but smile as I watch him interact with someone and make them laugh. I look at him thinking he is the most handsome man in the room and how sharp he looks in his suit. Still loving that smile that hooked me so many years ago. Knowing I am blessed that we are together.

That to me is what love is all about.

03/17/2014
DailyMusings

4 comments

INSPIRATION- Weekly Shoot & Quote Challenge

ESE’ S WEEKLY SHOOT & QUOTE CHALLENGE  

Inspiration

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

Robert Louis Stevenson

Each day holds an opportunity for each of us to reach out, touch another person’s life, make a difference in their life.

What we do for others may not make a difference in their life today or tomorrow,

but it will make a difference for them in their future.

WP_001038

03/14/2014
DailyMusings

14 comments

My Grandmother

Ethel1931Today is my grandmother’s birthday. She was born March 14, 1913, and died at the age of 62 in 1975. Although she has been gone for so long, the date never leaves my memory.

She came from Germany at the age of 2 and lived in the Yorkville section of Manhattan, on the upper east side, where many immigrants settled during that period. Her father helped run a delicatessen there along with his wife’s brothers. She married my grandfather in 1932 and they had 6 children, the oldest being my mother.

The picture my mother painted of my grandmother as she was growing up was far different from the woman I knew. She had been a strict, no nonsense mother. She liked things in order, and ran the house that way. Though I was aware of this side of her, when with her all I felt was love.

I was her first grandchild. By the time I came to know her, she was in a a stage of her life far different from the days when my mother was growing up. My grandfather was making a good living, her children were all grown, life was easier. To me she was funny and warm and always made me feel so amazingly special. Every summer our family would spend 2 weeks at my grandparents home in the country- which was just a wonderful time. My grandmother kept a spotless house, so our visit was always a bit of a challenge for her. It was not easy with 4 kids and a dog tramping through all day- in from the pool wet, sand from the day at the ocean, her mop and broom never seemed to leave her hand. People used to say you could eat off grandma’s floors they were that clean. It was just how she was. After a day at the beach the adults would gather on the sun porch for cocktails and conversation before dinner. I always sat in from the time I was 11 or so, I loved to hear the stories, hear my grandmother tell some funny joke, and see how she and my father had such a wonderful rapport. After our 2 weeks were up we would head home, and I would correspond by mail with her. She typed all her letters, which were full of the news of what she was doing, with a lot of humor mixed in. I still have all those letters- dating between 1967 and 1974. I still take them out to read them- to look at her handwriting, to laugh at how clever her writing was. A part of her that I am still able to hold.

I was 17 when she died. She died suddenly, in her sleep at such a young age, with no warning. It was devastating for my grandfather, and all of us. But I am thankful I was old enough to know her, to have spent those summers with her. That today, I am still able to see her in my mind’s eye when I think of her, to still hear the crick in her knee as she walked down the hall of that summer home saying goodnight into the bedroom as she went by. And if a woman passes me wearing Estee Lauder Youth Dew Perfume, she is right there beside me once again.

My mother & grandmother

03/13/2014
DailyMusings

25 comments

Daily Prompt: Something So Strong-Friends Forever

Daily Prompt: Something So Strong

Tell us the origin story of your best friend. How did you become friends?

What is it that keeps your friendship rockin’ after all these years?

Alice and I met in Fifth Grade- the year was 1968. We had a few “play dates” after school, and I remember doing a project for our English class, acting out a scene from Alice in Wonderland. But then she started hanging around with one of the girls known to be a bully who would get all the girls to gang up on one girl, and as I tried to keep a distance from the bully, we didn’t have much to do with each other the rest of Fifth grade.

Then the  summer before 8th grade we started hanging out with the same group of friends. That summer we wrote to each other while she was away in camp, and it was through those letters that our friendship was sealed. She came home and we became best friends. We shared everything- our secrets, our clothes, our fears, our hopes. All the teenage angst. We were inseparable. Then High School graduation came and she was off to college, I was staying home and starting work.

We were afraid of what the separation might do to our friendship- we promised to stay in touch, I promised I  would make the four hour drive to visit her in college. Our lives were diverging in two very different directions. But I did make the trip- many times. In those days phone calls out of the area were “long distance” and cost money- but we managed to call anyway. The four years came and went, and we were still BFF’s. And so it went, our lives continuing to take different paths, but our friendship never diverting from the path it was on. It just grew stronger and deeper.

I believe what has allowed our relationship to continue the way it has for over 40 years, is our desire to discuss, to be introspective, sort things out, dig deep for the answers as to why we are reacting, responding, dealing with life the way we are. From that summer before 8th grade, we have consistently continued to talk about anything and everything- always wanting to get to the bottom of whatever subject at hand- dissect it, come to understand it, come to terms with it. We offer one another constructive feedback- knowing there will be no judgment from the other side. Honesty, a thoughtful response about it, but no judgment. And the laughter…the ability to laugh loud, laugh often, laugh at ourselves, our own private jokes that date back to high school that can still send us into spasms of uncontrollable, make you cry, make your coffee come out through your nose, laughter.

Having  a shared history we never have to start at the beginning- have to explain- we both “get it” immediately because we have been there through it all. We have been there to see it all, feel it all, get through it all. The common life experience together that has helped each of us grow, the security of knowing that one person will be there no matter what. Love of talking, love of discussing, love of shopping, and most important, just love.

03/12/2014
DailyMusings

25 comments

Daily Prompt: Crossroads

The Daily Prompt:

Life is a series of beginnings and endings. We leave one job to start another; we quit cities, countries, or continents for a fresh start; we leave lovers and begin new relationships. What was the last thing you contemplated leaving? What were the pros and cons? Have you made up your mind?

What will you choose?

I stopped working for the first time in my life in 2005. I had been working from the time I was 18 years old, with a short 6 month hiatus to go to school. I spent 14 years in one profession, then switched gears altogether to take a job in a different industry and stayed there for 9 years. My next job was as an administrative assistant in a boys school-

and lasted for 5 years and then I “retired.” It had always been my dream to visit patients in the hospital, and the time had finally come to be able to do it. In addition to becoming a Pastoral Care volunteer in 2 hospitals, I volunteered with other organizations, those that assisted people who had suffered brain injury, in group homes for people with developmental disabilities, in a school for the deaf, and in a local elementary school shadowing a child in first grade. I had a set schedule for everyday, and treated my volunteer work as if it were a job, I showed up when I was supposed to, and on time. The perk with volunteering was that if I did need to take a “day off” I would call and let them know I couldn’t make it, and that was that. It was a responsibility, but still allowed me freedom.

In 2011 I started helping a friend  who was dying from lung cancer, in the hours between my scheduled volunteering. Early morning, mid afternoon and sometimes early evening or late evening. This continued for 17 months until he died. Then 1 month later I fell and broke my elbow. All volunteering stopped, my life became days filled with trips to physical therapy and little else. Finally, 10 months later I was feeling well enough to do some volunteering, but found it was not filling my days. I hadn’t realized just how much daily time my ailing friend had taken up, how much of my life had revolved around his care.

Now there were empty gaps in the day where I wondered what I was going to do. The crossroads. I hadn’t worked in 8 years… could I actually go back to work? Could I get a job? What kind of job could I get? I was used to my freedom, it seemed a huge adjustment to make, but the alternative was spending more time in the mall and wasting my days away. I needed to just get over the fear of change, and approach this as a new beginning, in this new stage of my life. It was now June and I needed to know I was moving forward toward something, so I called the school where I had worked as a shadow and asked if they had any positions for a teacher’s assistant in September. They did. They hired me over the phone.

What a wonderful new beginning it has been. My “crossroads” has led me to a place where I feel productive, fulfilled and doing something positive with my day. My volunteer work had helped me when I reached that crossroads- once again proving to me that our past actions can often help us in reaching our future goals.

noamme

03/10/2014
DailyMusings

11 comments

Daily Prompt: The Heat is On-Pressure

The Daily Prompt asks:

Do you thrive under pressure or crumble at the thought of it? Does your best stuff surface as the deadline approaches or do you need to iterate, day after day to achieve something you’re proud of? Tell us how you work best. 

pressure

I don’t thrive under pressure, nor do I crumble under it. I am a planner. I like to plan ahead, make lists, show up prepared. I am organized. I am not a last minute person. I take care of what I know I have to take care of before the deadline, in advance. Maybe it is all part of my need to feel I am in control of things, but I know I feel better when I feel I have things under control. But….if I need to, I can work under pressure.

Just last week, (through no fault of mine) the woman I work with informed me she “must have overlooked the email” that was sent to her telling her a project needed to be done by March 1st. It was now March 3rd. So I needed to scurry around, put her ideas into motion and literally design something and then make it. I did it, because when I go into overdrive I get super focused and I am fast. But I hate to have to work that way. I finished and was proud that I pulled it off, but also felt like I had spent an hour in a tornado.

So I guess I don’t crumble under pressure, but it is certainly not how I choose to function in my daily life. I don’t agonize over making decisions about things, I just take care of them. Being under pressure signals to me a loss of control, and allows for errors to be made if the pressure is causing a person to rush. If possible- I avoid it!!

03/09/2014
DailyMusings

32 comments

Daily Prompt: My Town

The Daily Prompt asks: 

What do you love most about the city / town / place that you live in?

What do you like the least about it? 

I still live in the town I grew up in- I have been here since 1962. Never left, ever. Moved from the house I grew up in, into my own apartment, then into my home with my husband about 6 blocks from my childhood home. As a child I loved that the kids on the block were all friends and we walked to school together and played on the block all summer. There were parks nearby and in the winter part of the park was filled in with water and turned into an ice skating rink.

The community is diverse, there are people from all different walks of life who live here. I like the diversity, I like the fact that we all co exist, are friendly to our neighbors, and learn tolerance from living with people from all different backgrounds. The town is described as  a “progressive and multicultural” suburb. I had never really thought much of it as it is just what I am used to, but when talking with friends who have moved to other cities and towns, they have commented on that difference- many live in places where everyone is the same, and they have found that adjustment hard. My town was the first township in the United States to voluntarily integrate its schools.

Whenever I visit someone out of the area, on my return I often comment to my husband that where we live is a pretty place to be. Many of the streets are lined with Tudor style homes, and there is an abundance of trees- large and old that also line the streets. People take care of their properties, the lawns are neat and in spring many have beautiful gardens.

What I like least is the ridiculously high property taxes we pay. They are among the highest in the State. I also feel for the amount of taxes we pay, we get little services in return. But for now, this is where I am.

03/07/2014
DailyMusings

10 comments

100 Posts!

100posts1

I have reached 100! I started blogging on December 1, 2013, and this is my 100th post. I had no idea what blogging was really all about, I just thought it might be helpful to put my thoughts in writing, it might make some things clearer for me to understand, allow me to get things off my mind- a catharsis of sorts. I had no idea that through this medium I would meet such a wonderful group of people that I now feel I know. People who live worlds away, but who I share a common way of thinking, have gone through or are going through challenges that maybe I too have faced. Who are sharing pieces of their lives that allow me to expand my knowledge and understanding of how people live in other parts of the world. People who make me think, make me look at things in a different way now. I tend to think more deeply about things that happen in my daily life. My mind expands with the different ways to look at and approach a situation. Can I write about it? Should I take that picture, it might be good for a blog post. I view the world around me in a different way. Some of you write and inspire me to make better decisions about how to go about my day. How to be a better person. Some of you make me literally laugh out loud, what could be better? You share your photos that show me parts of the world filled with beauty. Others are facing challenges that make me want to reach out and be there for them, though I have never met you and most likely never will. I never expected to find a “community” within this world of blogging-but am so glad I have. Thank you all!

PicMonkey Collage

03/06/2014
DailyMusings

7 comments

Odd Man Out

Feeling-Left-Out

We have an upcoming weekend family celebration, with my husband’s side of the family. Friday evening through Saturday evening. My husband has one brother, he and his wife will be there along with their 4 children, and 16 grandchildren. My sister in law’s 3 siblings will be there too. And then there will be me and my husband. No one coming with us, just us.

My husband’s brother is 7 years older than he is. I am 11 years younger than my husband, so in truth I am closer in age to my nieces than to my sister in law. I certainly feel I have more in common with them as they are in their 40’s and my sister in law is in her 70’s. She will be busy with her sisters and brother and her own children and grandchildren. Her grandchildren, who are my great nieces- and I have a close relationship. They have come to stay with me and my husband for weekends, one of them texts me on a regular basis. But they will be busy having fun with their cousins, I mean they are 12 and 13 years old.

And once again, even though I have been part of this family for over 20 years, I will still feel the odd man out. Sure everyone is friendly enough. Makes conversation. Catches up on what is new. But in truth we do not share that “familial” bond. I always feel I am on the sidelines looking in. I am not one of them. I “married in.” They all have a history, that bond that goes back to birth, the private inside jokes, the roll of the eyes when someone does something they all know is typical of that person. The family “rhythm.”  Maybe it is also they are not the warmest bunch of people. They have never made me feel included.

I have done some soul searching and thought about the possibility that maybe it is just me. Maybe just my imagination. I know that there is a part of me that so wishes to be in on the jokes, feel part of what is going on, feel that easiness that comes with being  part of a family. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations and I need to lower them or change them. But I know that once again, I will still feel like the odd man out.

Four generations of smiles

Four generations of smiles

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