Acceptance

The following post was written two years ago, when I learned that a close friend of mine was dying. I still struggle with accepting the fact that she is gone, that I can’t hear her laugh and take in the calm she always brought with her when she walked into a room. Acceptance of losing friends is something new to me, I suppose as we age it is to be expected, but she was only 66. A year later I lost another friend suddenly- also 67 years old. Her refrain whenever I would see her was  “it’s all good”- we’re here aren’t we?” I am but it it is not the same here without you. We are forced to accept, there is no choice, but it changes us, leaves us with an empty place that can’t be filled. 

Last Thursday my friend was told by her Doctor, “there is nothing more we can do.” She had been in remission for three years, her recurrence happening just 6 months ago. Her descent into this new reality quicker than any of us, me, her friends, her family, could believe. I am fortunate to never have lost a friend up until now, but am finding I am still in a state of disbelief. It is impossible for me to think that this person whom I have known for ten years, who I see on a regular basis, play Mah Jongg with every week, share in her joys with, who is calm of nature, who lets things roll of her back and doesn’t sweat the small stuff, who is sensitive and kind, who is my friend, will no longer be here. Her laughter silenced, her singing during our Mah Jongg games, her easy laugh no longer heard.

We sat together yesterday, me and three other friends, leaving her room after she fell asleep, to talk and remember happier times together. The trips abroad, grandchildren being born, her love of hiking. The conversation turned to gravesites and headstones, as if we were talking about some abstract concept, not our friend’s impending death. All part of the process I suppose, of acceptance of something none of us want to have to accept. Of something thrust upon us, being forced on us to have to face. Unwilling to have to accept, but left with no other choice.

Acceptance

26 thoughts on “Acceptance

  1. This is certainly a loss and hole left in your heart, Lisa. So sorry it was someone who was a source of joy and peace.
    While taking Master’s classes, I was so busy from 2004 – 2008! Sadly, my “mentor” near the end of my teaching years was a 41 year old who had reached her Master’s in her 20’s. She got pregnant along with cancer. . . Choice to have baby amazed us, since hormones will cause havoc upon cancer with no treatment. We thought of her teens and cringed. . .
    Her husband was supportive but as our friend faded and left teaching I thought of how she was sacrificing her life. Her baby boy was not a toddler the last week of her life, he was trying to get her to open her eyes and touching her face while in her bedroom at home, hospice there. Only at the funeral did I feel the tremendous loss for everyone, not just of my friend! So many preschool special ed parents and students. . . Come to call on the family.
    Lisa, her teens grieved openly with me outside, saying no Mom for weddings, babies to be, high school and college graduations. But Spencer lives, one says. Yes, but I was a little skeptical of this supreme gift a mother did. I hope I would be so brave if I had this choice Jean made. . . . Love, Robin

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  2. It’s so sad and painful to lose someone close to us. I always wonder if it’s better to know ahead of time that we will lose them or to not know.

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  3. Loosing a friend is tough. My best friend died three years ago and I still have a hard time coping with it. I miss her, always will miss her. Be there in her final days and after she will be gone, set a date and celebrate her life on a special day. Buy an orchid or a plant that you like and keep it in your garden window. Whenever it blooms it will make you smile and you will remember the good times.

    I wish there would be more I could do or say to make the pain go away. I am sorry that you and your friend have to go through this. I am glad neither one of you is alone.

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  4. Grief and love have no expiration date. No matter how long gone, I believe some of us continue to mourn. I still cannot see photos of my mother without crying…. I don’t know when or if full healing can ever take place to fill a place that cannot be reclaimed in our hearts.

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    • Thank you my friend- she is gone over a year and sometimes I still cannot believe it. you know what it is to have to accept what we cannot believe could happen. No choice.

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