Remembering My Brother

I received a package from my sister last week filled with old photos that had been in old family albums. I wrote about it here. In among those photos were some of my brother that I had never seen before. Two years ago yesterday he died, taking his own life after struggling with mental issues for many years. Looking at the photos I was reminded of the person he was before he became so troubled, and the life he had lived. I was glad for the reminder, to remember him with a smile instead of  sadness.louis1978

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46 thoughts on “Remembering My Brother

  1. Sad times when those close to us pass on. Since November I have had an auntie (90 yrs), my mother-in-law (79) pass away and this morning and news of a cousin (67) who died of MND. We have not seen each other for years, but still….there are many memories.

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  2. Just letting you know, Lisa when I talked to my brother who is celebrating his birthday tomorrow, I mentioned how this post effected me. It followed me to think. Of losing your brother and did feel the photo with his cats seemed so genuine and caring. He’s at peace and happy now. I commented a few days ago. . . .

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  3. I cannot imagine this happening, Lisa. My heart goes out to you. No matter how much time passes, losing a sibling is one of the toughest challenges one may face.
    I see similar smiles and eyes between the two of you. I like the sincere look on his face while holding the cats.

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  4. I may have already known this somehow but if I did, I forgot it enough that it was a shock, a pang in my heart to read this about your brother. Suicide is so un-understandable! I mean, with work, hard work, maybe you can guess as to why and not take it personally but it is so hard. I understand how tortured she was but I STILL wonder how my mother could have left me, and all her other kids, in my immature and screwed up hands. I’m so sorry Lisa.

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    • Losing a mother to suicide is so tragic. I cannot imagine the pain from that. My brother attempted 3 times before being successful, he was so unhappy we all understood it. Not married, no children- very different from what you experienced. I am so sorry

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      • I wrote this for Medium a while back.

        I knew it was coming, felt it in my cells, frantically ran around searching so I
        could blackmail her into staying by using my 19 year old, 6 months pregnant body.
        “Mom, you said you would help me so I could keep my baby…you know, just like you, even with no help at all, got to keep me?”
        Please don’t leave me!
        But when the police callously dropped off her untouched car 3 days later, complete with huge bullet hole in the roof, I knew it in the rest of me.
        I didn’t “get it” though…until 23 years later, when I reunited with my sweet daughter. That circle complete, I was finally able to face that whopping double wound from my youth.
        I know my mother now in a different way than I ever could have before, when the loss of her was so tangled up with the loss of my baby.
        I see now that for her it was the only option…..

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      • I can’t say anything except I am glad you reunited with your daughter and had enough years gone by to see it from a different perspective- you are one amazing person my friend.

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    • Thanks Bridget. It is always sad to think how his life ended, how it turned out. It is not in my day to day thoughts but comes now and then. He did have a good smile- thanks

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  5. I can’t tell you how many times Lynn has told me the story of finding her son hanging and holding his body up to relieve the pressure around his neck until the fire department got there. That was quite a few years ago and he still carries those demons around. I’m sorry to hear your brother didn’t survive.

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      • It does sound bad when you say it was almost a relief. But I felt the same way when watching my dad suffer through the last year of his life. When he did die, it was almost a relief. But to this day I still have to stop myself from thinking, “I have to share this with him.” I’m sure you know what I mean.

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      • Watching someone suffer takes us to a place of hell on earth I feel. I do know what you mean about wanting to share with the person who is no longer here.

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  6. I recall your many posts about your brother; I cannot believe that it is the anniversary of his passing yet again…the memories, and time, blur with joy and grief. You bear such a family resemblance. It is a gift to see words or photos you didn’t know existed, but an activity, understandably, without tears. Sending you strength and continued healing……

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  7. I hesitated to hit “like” but then I realized these were happy photos of a happy time. He reminds me of kids I grew up with…especially in the second photo. Could have been my own family. Hugs.

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