Happy I’m Not A Mother Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow bloggers who chose to become Mothers.

This was my post last Mother’s Day, which I am posting again this year.

My BFF and I both chose not to have children, and re dubbed Mother’s Day “Happy I’m Not A Mother Day” years ago. We both married in our 30’s, and had no burning desire (no desire at all really) to have children. No “biological urge.” I didn’t feel my life would be less without children in it. I knew myself well enough to know I really was not cut out to have children. Years ago when I told people I had no intention of having children, my choice was met with many reactions:

“But you’d be such a good mother.”

“Really? What’s wrong with you?”

“You’ll come around.”

“You’ll regret it when you are old.”

I was always amazed they showed a total lack of understanding or respect for the choice I made. I would never have thought of telling them what I really thought of some of the choices they had made in their lives that I might not have agreed with. When it came to making the choice about having children it was as if there was only one choice. To have them. The societal norm I guess. I am often asked how many children I have when meeting someone new. After responding with “none” and being met with looks of pity and “oh sorry”- I have learned to follow up with I  “opted out.” I’m not sorry, you don’t need to be sorry.

I am glad for my friends who have  found meaning and fulfillment in their lives by having children, good for them. But it would not have been good for me. My step daughter was 8 when she came into my life. We spoke on the phone everyday, saw each other every other weekend and one night during the week. Perfect. Just enough to get my nurturing out, and just enough before I was on my last nerve. I love my step daughter’s children, grandchildren to me, who I delight in spending time with.  I am close with my nieces and nephews, it is important to me to be part of their lives, and for them to know how much I care about them. I love spending time with the children of my friends, and all of these relationships combined are just right for me. Am I less of a person because I am not a mother? I don’t think so. Is my life incomplete? Not at all. Having children is rewarding, fulfilling, meaningful for many, but not for everybody.

19 thoughts on “Happy I’m Not A Mother Day

  1. I really enjoyed reading this and I am sorry if people ever hackle you – gosh – it seems like so often people just assume…. anyhow, my aunt never had children of her own and I think – make that I know – it allowed her to invest in our lives more. however, just one thing – you actually are a mother – you know – because of your step-daughter – especially if she was 8 – and we do not have to biologically give birth to have that title – you know? But I like how you wrote “Just enough to get my nurturing out”


  2. I really respect your choice not to have children, Lisa. My sister -in-law and her husband made the same choice, and take a real interest in all their nephews and nieces, and have even put some of them through college and university. Having babies isn’t for everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good for you. Society have a tendency to pressure us into being something we may not want to be. In glad you followed your heart and was not swayed by all the comments. Having children is not for everyone. More people should understand that instead of bowing to the pressures of famy and friends.


  4. I fail to understand why others could be so rude about a very personal choice, made by someone else. Those choices are strictly yours and your husband’s. Be well!


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