Happy I’m Not A Mother Day

My BFF and I both chose not to have children, and re dubbed Mother’s Day “Happy I’m Not A Mother Day” years ago. We both married in our 30’s, and had no burning desire (no desire at all really) to have children. No “biological urge.” I didn’t feel my life would be less without children in it. I knew myself well enough to know I really was not cut out to have children. When years ago I told people I had no intention of having children, my choice was met with many reactions:

“But you’d be such a good mother.”

“Really? What’s wrong with you?”

“You’ll come around.”

You’ll regret it when you are old.”

I was always amazed they showed a total lack of understanding or respect for the choice I made. I would never have thought of telling them what I really thought of some of the choices they had made in their lives that I might not have agreed with. When it came to making the choice about having children it was as if there was only one choice. To have them. The societal norm I guess. I am often asked how many children I have when meeting someone new. After responding with “none” and being met with looks of pity and “oh sorry”- I have learned to follow up with I  “opted out.” I’m not sorry, you don’t need to be sorry.

I am glad for my friends who have  found meaning and fulfillment in their lives by having children, good for them. But it would not have been good for me. My step daughter was 8 when she came into my life. We spoke on the phone everyday, saw each other every other weekend and one night during the week. Perfect. Just enough to get my nurturing out, and just enough before I was on my last nerve. I love my nieces and nephews, I am a good aunt, I love spending time with the children of my friends, and that is just right for me. Am I less of a person because I am not a mother? I don’t think so. Is my life incomplete? Not at all. Rewarding, fulfilling, meaningful for many, but not for everybody.

 

22 thoughts on “Happy I’m Not A Mother Day

  1. And then there are those that have children because they believe it is what is expected. Then spend the rest of their lives miserable because it isn’t really what they wanted. It what others wanted for them.
    Choices, life is filled with then and you must do what is right for YOU!

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  2. I opted out too, even before meeting my husband. I’m glad we didn’t have any, though we would have been good parents. Each couple makes their own decisions and it’s no ones business but theirs.

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  3. When you live life, you make decisions – and that was yours. You are no less of a person for the decision you made. 🙂 And I still like ya! ❤ 😉

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  4. Your life, your decisions. No one has any rights whatsoever to question you. Your not forcing others to do so. As long as no one’s hurt (which, of course, no one will be unless they wanted you to have kids. But that’s their problem), who cares? 😀

    I understand and respect you for your boldness in standing by your choice. 🙂

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  5. LOVE this post!! I made a decision long before even meeting my husband that I did not want children. I always get those funny looks and gasps when asked if I have any children and my no is a resounding happy answer. It’s like I should be sad I don’t. My husband and I love our child-less lives, and have never felt as if anything is missing.

    However, deep in my heart I know that it was never my choice at all. If it was God’s will, then I would have had children regardless of my desires.

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  6. Having children is a life long consuming commitment and I must admit it’s been one of the happiest choices I ever made.But if it’s what you enjoy then the effort is rewarded. I’d hate to have to commit to anything that involved such effort if it wasn’t something I enjoyed. That would just make it a drudgery and we all know the chores that come into this category hardly get done and never to the best you can offer. You have made a wise choice for yourself . Unlike those that follow ‘norms’ with little thought of the result of their actions you are showing a greater strength in my opinion. I think we all should stop judging others and enjoy each other for who we are. Have a happy day :))

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    • It is just that long consuming commitment that many people do not think about. And that is unfortunate for the children of those people. Thank you for your comment, and your understanding of what I wrote. Have a Happy Mother’s Day! 🙂

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  7. You know I agree with you as we have chatted this morning..and yes it’s not for everyone…the comments are just as irritating when people ask me what I did for a job..i had no career other than raising kids..funny women are always the ones putting other women down for choices they make…I thought the idea of emancipation of women was they HAD choice..what is great for one is not for another..so embrace our differences and I say be what makes you happy and true to yourself…have a great Happy i’m not a mothers day..vive la difference 🙂 hugs Fozziemum xx

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